Udo in Africa

Over the months we have got used more to the adventures of living in Lagos. We have seen fantastic things and disastrous stuff, ridiculous solutions and brilliant ideas. However, after now 1 year in Nigeria I would like to state that our friend Udo beats everything. Udo is not his real name and for privacy reasons I decided for now not to disclose it. Udo is his artist name and he is a Schlager singer.

We met Udo at the Beaujolais Primeur night of GMT a logistic inbound service provider. Udo was there for his pre-visit and we really got along great from the start. He told me later that I have told him something which helped him decide to accept the job in Nigeria. So, when he left back to the Netherlands the adventures of “Udo in Nigeria” started.

He has a girlfriend, her name is Helene (Fischer) a Schlagersängerin, they are a great couple together. He had expected that she could accompany him easily to Nigeria. First discovery was however that you cannot live in Nigeria unless you are married, or you have should have a job. The easy solution was ……. to get married! A great decision! Udo and Helene are now a wedded couple. Udo would start early February and Helene would follow some months later when her son had finished his education. During his stay here in Nigeria he lived in a hotel run by an Italian family. It was a nice place to stay but eating pizza and pasta everyday gets boring. Every night he drunk a “5” Star beer and chatted with everyone working at this guest house. When the time came there to say goodbye after four months, they asked him to come for a beer (or more). They started very near the guest house, but the beers were too expensive, so they all decided to go to another place. He ended up at the side of a busy road at a local place, a car provided them of some music by simply opening the doors and play some loud Nigerian music. Nigerians love music and love to dance. He had a fantastic goodbye party from his friends of the guest house and he came home in his new apartment 4:30 in the morning!

He has a driver who he tried to support by not having him drive around in the evening or in the weekends, he then would use Uber. During one of his Uber trips his driver took the wrong turn (on purpose) and then he was stopped by a police check point. First the police officer asked the driver if he had money, which he of course didn’t have, then they saw a white nose at the back of the car and opened Udo’s door. They roughly pulled him out of the car on the ground demanding for money. He grabbed his wallet, threw a few thousand Naira’s on the backseat of the car and run, he run with the wind home! There he looked at his injuries, he was full of scratches and bruises on his arm and yet another experience richer.

The conclusion is using your driver more is a logic one. So, a few weeks later Udo called his boss, with the famous text: I am in jail…. While he was driven around in his car with his driver, they ran into a traffic jam. As a good Nigerian, his driver decided to reverse to the last exit to avoid the traffic jam. Udo said to his driver not to do this, but it was already too late. Police circled his car and one was standing in front of the car. One officer started hitting the driver straight away when he opened his window. So, one of the police officers was standing in front of the car and one tried to punch Udo in the back. One police guy tried to take the keys from the ignition. Let's say they were busy. His driver got frightened and instead of breaking and stopping he pushed the accelerator. As a result he hit the policemen who was standing in front of their car. At this point they all got even more pissed off. Result number 2, they were arrested and with three police men in their car they were driven to a police station. His boss told him that listening to the story over the phone that he had done nothing wrong. Sitting in the back of the car is not a crime, so probably he could simply leave. And indeed, this was the case. Trying to leave the vicinity of the police station as fast as he could he tried to convince a keke(napep), (these are the yellow three wheel taxi’s) to bring him home, but this was an area where keke's cannot come so he ended up on the back of an ocada (motor taxi).

During the pre-visit with his wife Helene (Fischer:)) they had a great time. Mathilde Viv and Helene spent time together showing her where to her grocery shopping and went to the Nike Art Gallery. But on Saturday night Helene became ill, she was in a lot of pain and ended up in a hospital. She got intra venues drip and pain killers. She’d stay there for three days. She almost had to postpone her flight home.

In the period that Udo was staying here alone waiting to have his paperwork sorted out he stayed as mentioned earlier that he stayed at an Italian owned Guesthouse. In the evenings he was always sitting on the terrace of the guesthouse. One evening Udo was completely relaxed enjoying again his favourite Star, of course made by Heineken, at the guest house, while being on facetime with Helene and they laughed together and they told how in love they were and that the lack of seeing each other really started to take its toll, when two guests enter the compound to pick up pizza (the delicacy from the guest house) and said hello to Udo in a friendly way. Within 2 minutes they are outside again and said to Udo: “You are the owner here and because our bank card does not work, we do not get our pizza!” When he said that he's not the owner but a guest, those 2 guys got really angry and aggressive against him. They had seen him on Facebook and since he was a white nose, he had to be the owner! They called their "boss" and let him know that he was really just a guest on which the boss got even more angry ......, by then Udo got so frustrated that he threw away their phone on the floor and then they threatened to kill him. They would come back and let Udo know who was the boss here in their country.... The whole time Facetime was still active in the background where Helene, who got the whole show, tried to get rid of all her tears because her husband, Udo, was mistaken for someone else .... Early May we had the King's Day celebration at the Dutch School organised by Danitsa, Dana, Mathilde and Viv. It was a great party with a band, even the best Dutch snack “bitterballs” and as one of the highlights of the evening we had the first Nigerian performance of Udo. He came with his 2 bodyguards, he was great, he was brilliant! A few people asked me if I could give his phone number.

So, about a month ago I thought that I had not seen him for some weeks and that we should go for a beer. When I called him, he answered; I hope so, but I am not sure. You are not going to believe it, but I have Malaria. So, we went out to the Backyard where we ended up with some Lebanese friends who when we left were entering the 8thbottle of whiskey and Udo was on strong medication and was drinking bitter lemon all night.

In the meantime, Udo missed his Frau Helene and all their children together. However, it turned out that he could not leave since he still did not have a working permit (Cerpac). The company had applied for him under a quota in a financial function, however he was working in sales. So, his first plane ticket home he needed to cancel since you cannot leave without a valid visa (and/or not come back). But it would take a few weeks and then it would be solved. His 2ndplane ticket he had to postpone and his postponed ticket he had to postpone again. A few weeks ago, he sorted out his paperwork and he could fly home. After 5 months in Nigeria! but it is part of the adventure. He has deserved his holiday in the Netherlands.

And Udo always keeps smiling, singing and despite every hurdle he had to overcome in Lagos he loves living here. It seems such a beautiful fairy tale, but the life of them is certainly not about roses and certainly not when it comes to Nigeria .....